Memories - Amy

It can take a long time to get used to the changes in your sight. Not just for you, but for your family and friends. When your sight was once fairly good, it is hard to accept. In time you get used to it.

Your family and friends know how to help you and when you need help. You learn that it's always OK to ask for help and feel more confident about doing it.

Different people will move on at different paces, that's OK too. In time though, you will move on. Even though you have moved on, you still have the memories. In all of my dreams I can still see clearly. I sometimes have my white stick, I sometimes need help, but I can see clearly.

When I'm watching my favourite TV programmes and films I remember what the characters really look like, not what my eyes think they look like. This is hard if I am watching something new and I have to learn all of the characters for the first time.

In some ways the memories are good because they make certain things easier. In other ways the memories can be mean and make things disappointing.

A few days ago I decided to put on a DVD, remembering how the film looked when I was a child. When the film started, I looked at the screen and it looked nothing like it did in my head. It was an animated film, just bright colours moving around the screen. Occasionally I would notice a character's face. They weren't on the screen long enough for me to recognise them though.

I often wonder why I still watch these films, it just brings back the realisation of how bad my sight is, and how good it used to be. I could not concentrate on the rest of the film as it upset me too much. Instead I had a moan to a few of my good friends and tried to cheer myself up.

I sometimes wonder which is better, to be born with bad sight, or to have fairly good sight and lose it. It makes me wonder if you are born with bad sight, that you can't miss what you never had. But I would imagine that some will think "I would love to have just one day where I can see properly, just to experience it".

I do feel lucky for once having good sight. I also feel lucky that my sight isn't any worse than it is. I guess this is something there will never be one set answer to. It all depends on the individual person. And nobody will ever experience both sides of the story.

Since I have been volunteering at SRSB I have come to believe that sight doesn't have to be labelled. There doesn't have to be good sight and bad sight, everybody is just different. In the short time I have been here I have learnt that sight varies in many, many different ways and levels. Some people who have not experienced any sight problems seem to think that you are either blind or you can see. That is very far from the truth.

Memories can be hard, but they are what keep us all fighting for a better future.