Week One in Lockdown - Amy

As of Friday closing times last week, everything involving any kind of fun has closed. Restaurants, cafes, coffee shops, cinemas, everywhere I live my life really.  

This is the first week of lockdown in the UK, to slow down the spread of Coronavirus. It all just feels so wrong. I feel trapped and like I desperately need to escape.  

In January this year I finished six months of therapy for post traumatic stress disorder, which was partly caused by my sight loss. I have finally got into a good place mentally and now this happens. I need to go out and socialise regularly to keep my mind healthy and happy. I don’t usually have the most hectic schedule, but I do try to go out and do something most days. Staying in the house for more than a few days makes me feel quite down. It is not anything to do where I live, or who I live with, I would be the same anywhere. I just need to be out there and living my life. Luckily I don’t live alone, but I still need to be out, moving around and seeing different people. The thought of doing this for weeks or even months really does scare me. I know things could be a lot worse for me, at least everybody that I know is well. I do understand why this is happening, but staying in for long periods of time really doesn’t do me any good.  That worries me just as much as going out does. There is nowhere to go, nothing to look forward to. I can try and look forward to when this is all over but it seems quite cruel because nobody knows when this is going to end. That is what I really need to know, even if I don’t like the answer, I need a date to work towards and focus on. This might be lowering the risk of catching Coronavirus, but my worry is that it is going to cause major problems in other ways for people, physically and mentally. 

Last Christmas at SRSB - Amy

Christmas at SRSB is always fun, with lots of things to do for clients, supporters and volunteers. I bet the staff have a bit of a party too! 

Last year was a pretty rubbish year for me health wise so I had to take quite a long time off from the blog. By Christmas I was just about ready to come back and see everyone again. So I decided to go to the volunteers party and to one of the Christmas lunches. I was really nervous before the volunteers party. It sounds a bit silly but it had been three months since I had last been to SRSB or seen anybody from SRSB.  I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go, but I knew I would enjoy it when I got there. It was just my brain confusing me with negative thoughts as usual. I always used to follow these thoughts because they say you should always go with your gut instinct. I have learnt over the years that my gut instinct seems to be faulty. So I do the opposite! I am better off for doing it that way. As I expected, my gut instinct was wrong. I did enjoy myself. There were friends, food, music, coffee and Christmas sparkle. What else could I possibly want? I got lots of hugs and people saying they were glad to see me back. That always means a great deal to me, feeling loved and wanted and missed if I’m not around. So I left the party feeling very happy and excited to start work again in the new year. SRSB is such a lovely, friendly place. I always leave feeling warm and happy. It is just one of those places that you walk in to and instantly you feel the love, you feel welcome and you feel at home. There aren’t many places where you get that feeling. Especially when you are visually impaired. You are never made to feel awkward or different. Sight loss is our way of living here, it’s how we function, it’s how we work, it’s what we are respected for and we are always made to feel normal. As if there is no different, as if the outside world doesn’t exist. 

When I came for Christmas lunch I arranged it well so that I could go in the same day as some of my friends. There is always a Christmas tree in reception and they have Gerry Kersey from BBC Radio Sheffield to come and switch on the lights. They make it an event every year and have a few songs and a bit of a get together. When you go through into the dining area the room looks huge with a very long table. It’s a bit noisy and scary at first but I got used to it. The table was set with Christmas table cloths and crackers and napkins. All very festive. The arts and crafts group had made some decorations for the walls. The meal was cooked and served by mostly volunteers. They will have had so much hard work to do even just on one day. There is a Christmas lunch every say for five days so they must have been exhausted. They did a brilliant job though.  They have a raffle on each day and I won so many prizes I felt really guilty about it. I offered some of my prizes to people but nobody would take them! I thought about sharing them with everyone in the office but the only one I could really share was the selection box and that was mine!  Sorry :-) I heard that the day before I went, some of the Sheffield Wednesday players visited SRSB, so you never know who you might bump in to. 

Being in such a friendly and festive environment really cheered me up. It felt like I hadn’t been away and I was really looking forward to starting volunteering again in the new year. 

Now I am back and can’t wait to hear from you and all about what you have been up to recently.  Please share it with us so we can use it on the blog.  Email us at blog@srsb.org.uk  Alternatively you can speak to Jane or me, Amy, in the Mappin Street Centre. 

Yoga at SRSB - Amy

This year I have been trying something else new. Last year I started trampolining and this year I am trying out yoga for the first time. I have never been interested in yoga at all, but since I have been trampolining I love exercise. I never thought I would say that because I absolutely hated PE at school. I only liked it when we did trampolining. Last year though I came to realise that if you choose the right thing for you, exercise can feel so good. For me it’s not about doing it to lose weight, or beating my personal best, it’s about improving my general health. You don’t realise how much your muscles tense up when you don’t exercise, even just having one week away from the trampoline and I can feel a difference. It’s not a good one. I love the feeling the day after when I am really achy, but at the same time, I feel like I could do it all again. 

At this moment in time, trampolining is a bit too risky with my health. Even though I have been managing well, I don’t want to push my luck. I am gutted about it, I can’t wait until I can go again, and I will definitely go back. But for now, I need something less risky. Something where I am less likely to injure myself. If I fell off a yoga mat I would go with a lot less of a splat than falling off a trampoline! Like I said I have never really had an interest in yoga at all, but when I saw the Inbetweeners Club were doing it at SRSB I thought I would give it a go.

At the start of every session we lay on our backs on the yoga mat for a few minutes, just thinking. The teacher Catherine tells us to focus on all of the areas that are achy, painful, or just need a little bit of attention. In the first session my back and hips where really aching and I just couldn’t wait to get up. I also had my hair up in a ponytail, so laying on it messed it all up. I know not to do that again, I put my bobble lower down now! I didn’t have a clue what I was doing but Catherine was really informative. She explained the poses very well, so we didn’t need to see her. She works for Yoga Quota who do yoga with people who have disabilities and health problems. They make it accessible so that everybody is able to do it. If I couldn’t do one pose, Catherine changes it so that I am still working the same muscles, but in a different way. I felt sorry for the few people who could do the poses correctly, they were in that position for ages while Catherine made adaptations for the rest of us. When we did poses that involved kneeling I could not do them at all, because my knees hurt too much, I kept trying, but I just couldn’t kneel for more than a few seconds. I do have problems with the muscles around my knees and hips though. When we sat on the floor I could feel every single bone and it was so uncomfortable, the floor was so hard and flat! I can’t believe I used to be a nursery nurse. Most of my day was spent on the floor and crawling around when I did that job. These days my body just can’t handle the floor.

At the end of the first session we laid back on the mats, like at the beginning. We were told to think again about the work we had done, the areas that were hurting at the start and how they feel now. My back was a lot less achy at the end than it was at the start. So even just that one session had made a difference.

The day after, my legs ached, my hips ached and my shoulders ached. I didn’t even think I had done much with my shoulders. That’s the thing, exercise doesn’t have to be painful, or uncomfortable. When I go trampolining I am completely pain free, until the day after. Even just doing stretches can loosen you up and improve your circulation. I am far from fit, so don’t mistake me for a super lean fitness queen, because I’m not at all. I do need to exercise a lot more than I do, but this is just a few things I have learnt over the past year or so.

I have been to three sessions of yoga so far and I am getting better at it. Yesterday Catherine told me that I am really getting the hang of it, I knew what move was coming next and I noticed that my leg had moved and wasn’t straight enough. I am finding the hard, flat floor a lot easier to sit on, and I am able to kneel for longer. Still not long, but maybe nearer a minute rather than a few seconds. I do feel that my knee muscles are stronger though, less achy and less likely to go painful like they do sometimes. I have bought my own super thick yoga mat and downloaded some apps. I am really enjoying it, a lot more than I thought I would. I will be gutted when the sessions come to an end in a few weeks. I really, really hope there will be more. *

Exercise is really hard when you are visually impaired. If you go running or walking, you may need a guide. Swimming is difficult because it’s hard to see where people are, especially without my glasses and if they are under water. Adaptations can be made for ball games, such as balls and equipment that are designed for blind people. Going to a gym or leisure centre, full of sighted people is really scary and daunting. In my experience Sheffield International Venues do offer extra support when it is needed. They have disabled friendly sessions at some of their pools and they have been really supportive with me getting back into trampolining. But it’s still scary. I think it would be really good to have more accessible sessions during the day. A lot of exercise classes involve looking at an instructor, to watch what they are doing. Also some sessions are only in the evening, such as trampolining. This is a really bad time when you are visually impaired, especially in the winter when it goes dark early. Also the busses don’t run as often and organising transport is more difficult in the evening. So I feel there should be more accessible day sessions for activities. It would be really good to make things like aerobics and yoga completely accessible in gyms and leisure centres. I have had lots of support when I have asked for it, but I do think that work needs to be done to make leisure centres less daunting and more friendly and welcoming for people with sight problems.

More VI friendly exercise sessions could benefit VI people in a variety of ways. It could improve their fitness and general health, it could also be a social activity, meeting up with friends and making new friends. This would then improve their mental health and their confidence.


*This story was written before SRSB established a regular class. There is now a Yoga Session every Thursday from 4:30 to 5:30pm.

The benefits of blindness - Amy

When you tell people you are blind or visually impaired a common reaction is "Oh it must be awful for you." And it is. But what you don’t realise is we can do things that you can’t do, ha!

Some of us can get on the bus or tram for free, you have to pay lots and lots of money.

Sometimes people offer you their seat, as if you are royalty. We can’t be expected to stand up! Some people seem to think because we can’t see, we can’t stand without being propped up. Why??? It is useful on the bus though, it is hard trying to get to the back of the bus, usually to find there are no seats free there either.

Some of us get a Radar key. This means we can use our own private toilet. We don’t even have to go upstairs. Often this is really good, until you come across a disabled toilet that is being used as Christmas tree storage. I could not even see the toilet for all the trees and boxes of decorations!

Some of us get a disabled parking badge. You may think what is the point in that? Blind people can’t drive! But when we find somebody who can, it makes things easier for us and for them. Plus it saves money most of the time.

Some of us get a cheaper TV licence. Makes sense really, if you can’t get the full benefit of watching TV.

We get to go on Touch Tours at the theatre. This is where we get to see things closely or touch things before the show. You can sometimes go on stage, see props, see costumes and occasionally meet a few of the cast members. This can help a lot if we can’t see the show itself very well. It gives us a better understanding of what is happening on stage and what it looks like.

We can also easily avoid things we don’t to watch, such as gory bits in films. For some people this might be disappointing, for me I was quite glad to miss out on that bit.

Some of us have a better sense of touch and can read braille.

Some of us get a Life Plus card to use at leisure centres around Sheffield. This means I get to go swimming, and my Dad comes for free as my carer. He offers to pay for me, so I don’t pay anything!

When I was doing my exams at school I got to sit in a smaller, more relaxed room. I also got 25% extra time. None of my friends did. I have always been slower at reading and writing than my friends, so the extra time came in very useful.

Sometimes we get to move to the front of the queue. This is always a good thing. Nobody likes queuing.

For a long time my family and friends were trying to persuade me to register my sight. This is where an eye consultant gives you a certificate saying that you are sight impaired or severely sight impaired/blind. I didn’t want that label because I still had some sight and to me it didn’t seem on the verge of blindness. It just wasn’t good. Eventually, to keep everybody quiet I gave in and I got registered. It was very daunting at first, but it does make life so much easier. It makes things happen and you get the support you need to move on with your life and live a happy life.

I used to feel that I didn’t want any special treatment, I just wanted to be treated the same as everybody else. But in time I learned to accept it and embrace it. Because at the end of the day it makes my life a lot easier, more fun and it means that sight loss isn’t just a bad thing.

Because it means I get to do things that you don’t!

Valentine's Day - Amy

Valentine's Day has never really been a friend of mine. I love all the pink hearts and glitter but that's as good as it gets. I have always been the girl that is alright on her own, never needed to be in a relationship. It would be nice in some ways but I have got my friends and family and that’s all I need. It’s not like I don’t love people and it’s not like they don’t love me. I have just never been lucky when it comes to romance and all that kind of thing.

The other day I was thinking about what Valentine’s Day means to me, because I couldn’t ever remember having a good one. Not for the right reasons anyway. I said it was one of the most miserable days of the year, which it is. It separates all those in relationships from all those who are single. It makes some of those who are single feel like absolute rubbish and really lonely, when in reality they are not lonely at all. All of the couples are buying presents, going out on dates and all of the singles are just left feeling alone. I once saw something on Facebook that called it Singles Awareness Day. I quite like that way of thinking, instead of Happy Valentine's Day it was Happy Singles Awareness Day!

Over the years I have got a lot more confident in who I am. I think if there was ever a time I was going to find a nice guy, it would be now because I am more chatty and confident. I used to be so shy! However these days it is not my confidence holding me back it is my sight. Firstly I can’t see who the nice looking ones are from a distance which is SO annoying!!! I can’t walk around discreetly to get a closer look because I will probably end up walking into something. I need to concentrate on where I am walking to much to look at other things.

I have sometimes thought that online dating is a good place to start. I can look at pictures and read about somebody in my own time. It used to be my favourite way to try and find someone because I was a lot more confident online than I was in person. But these days I would rather just meet somebody in person and get an idea of what they are like as a person, not just their profile. If I ever do get talking to somebody online, I am always to nervous to meet them in person. With my sight as it is I need help sometimes and I need to trust that they are caring enough to do that. I do my best to be independent but in new places or busy places I do need help getting around. I just can’t bring myself to trust them enough. So I have given up on the online idea. I think I will just stick to the old fashioned way, just hope to come across somebody in person.

Yesterday I was reminded by one of my best friends how I did once have a good Valentine’s Day. One year me and my friends all went out to a Chinese buffet restaurant on Valentine’s evening. We were all single at the time and we just decided to go out and have some fun together, instead of stressing about being single. I remember now that Hannah found a little heart balloon on one of our seats, from the people before. She gave it to me and I kept it and took it home.

Last week I went to the Sheffield Love event at Virgin Money Lounge. This was to raise money for the Lord Mayor’s charities, SRSB is one of them. Even though the evening was a Valentine’s event, it wasn’t all about romance. We were spreading the love in a different way. The community of Sheffield coming together, supporting each other, having fun and raising money for five amazing charities. We played games, had a quiz and a raffle. There were also drinks and nibbles and there was also somebody doing glitter face painting. I had a silver glitter heart! And I expect to see more of you there next year if there is another one!

So I guess what we all need to remember is that just because somebody is single, it doesn’t mean they are alone or lonely. Don’t waste time on missing somebody you haven’t even met yet. Instead have fun on Valentine’s day with the people who are in your life that you love. It is only one day a year and it doesn’t prove anything.

One year of SRSB - Amy

A year ago this January I started volunteering for The Sheffield Royal Society for the Blind (SRSB). It has been the most crazy year ever! In good ways for a change.

I am a client of SRSB and I was regularly in touch with them about various things. One day I was asked if I would like to work on the SRSB Blindlife Blog. I had never done any work like that before, I wasn't completely sure what a blog was. I had a rough idea. I was told that the blog hadn't been used much for quite a while. This was good for me because it meant I couldn’t break it!

Any kind of work was going to be good work. This was also good because it was all down to me, it was my project. I had plenty of support when I needed it from Jane at SRSB and Anne, another volunteer who publishes the articles on the blog, but moving it forward was up to me.

To start with I didn't know many people at SRSB so I thought I would write a few things myself, just to get things started. Around this time I had been looking for a new phone, so I decided to write about this. My next one was about The Weather. I started to realise that I was just writing what was on my mind, but everybody seemed to like it. I didn’t have a clue why.

Quite quickly my confidence seemed to grow. I hadn't been in any kind of work environment for six years. I had never worked with computers, or in an office, or on a blog, or done any real writing. Not since school. I was a nursery nurse, this was completely out of my comfort zone. But because I like playing on social media I thought I might be able to do it.

My confidence was growing more and more, I started going to the creative writing group at SRSB. This was originally just to see if any of them would like to write for the blog. I sat in on a session and it wasn't what I expected. I was expecting to be writing in the session and that you would have to be quite talented. It is so much better than that. It is a group of lovely people sat reading out their stories that they have written during the week. There is no teacher checking your grammar and punctuation, and nobody judges your work. Bill and Andrea who run the group are so welcoming and friendly. I felt at home straight away and felt comfortable telling them about very personal things.

After a few weeks I started to write my own things for the group. Again, everybody seemed to really like them. I had never seen myself as a writer, but everybody was saying I was talented and asking if I had always been into writing.

One day, I heard it was Mental Health Awareness week and I knew I had to write something about this. Mental health and sight loss are not linked together anywhere near enough. Losing some of my sight affected me very badly and I had to make a stand and show people what it can do to you.

I told Jane and Anne my plans and we got my story published on the blog that week. It was a rush, but it needed doing. This post got so many views and I got so many heartfelt comments about it. It really seemed to touch people and make them appreciate what it is really like to lose your sight. It isn't just losing your sight, it really can affect your mind and your general wellbeing. It can completely destroy your life.

This blog post was used in a Living with Sight Loss course at SRSB. After it had been read out, the whole room went silent. That was the moment I realised that I wasn't alone, all of those people felt exactly the same as I used to. That was the moment I realised that I was doing a good job and that these issues have been left unspoken for way to long. These things need talking about, and I was going to do it. This post is still being used today in visual impairment awareness training. I am absolutely thrilled that it is being used for things like this.

Not long after this I was asked if I would like to go on the radio. I was extremely nervous but I said I would. I had wanted to work on the radio a few years ago and I thought this was an opportunity that I might never get again. The show went really well and I sounded a lot better than I thought I would. I sounded like I actually knew what I was talking about!

Shortly after this I was contacted on Twitter by a London-based radio station. They had been reading the blog and wanted to know if I would do a phone interview for their sight loss show. This wasn't just local any more, this was London!!! They told me the questions they were going to ask me so that I could prepare. The questions seemed quite daunting at first, about politics and the government, which I know nothing about but I managed quite well when I had figured out what I was saying.

A while later I completed a survey on using transport with a visual impairment. Again I was asked to go on a big Sheffield radio station to talk about this. My third time on the radio in a matter of months! I was still very nervous, but good nervous. Once again, I loved it! I felt famous. Everybody wanted to hear what I had to say! And I loved it, I loved all the attention I was getting. I still didn’t really understand why, It was only me, just saying what I thought about the world. Why was my opinion so valued. I wasn't complaining for a second though. It was amazing to have my voice heard and my views respected.

A few quiet months passed, not too much fame going on, but it was still good. Then I was asked if I would like to be interviewed to be on the list of SRSB Inspirational People. Wow!!! That really did mean the world to me and always will. For a long time I felt very unhappy with myself and how I was living my life, so this was a big symbol of how things had changed. I had been doing something right at last, not just right but good. I had been doing good things for charity and for other people. I was really proud of myself.

Towards the end of the year I got a phone call from SRSB asking if I would like to meet the Lord Mayor of Sheffield in two days' time. I would be having photos taken to be on this year's Lord Mayor Charity Christmas Card! YES of course I did! More fame!!! They said they know I liked doing PR work so they wanted to ask me. Even so, I felt really special. I was the one client chosen to represent SRSB. When we went Sue introduced me as the face of SRSB. Wow! Little old me, the face of SRSB! The Lord Mayor Anne Murphy was so friendly and welcoming. She also made me feel very special. It really was a wonderful, fun and sentimental day.

One day I heard the Lord Mayor was in SRSB, she was at one of the Christmas dinners. I decided to go and say hello. She had won a massive box of shortbread in the Christmas raffle, and she said she would like me to have it. Again I thought, why me? Yet again another day when I felt really special and appreciated. Some of you may think, it's only a bit of shortbread, but it isn't. To me it means a great deal and it was another symbol of how my life has changed for the better. When I went back into the office I just blurted out "I've got a Christmas present from the Lord Mayor". Somebody in the office said "Well, I can't beat that"!

And that brings us to the end of a very eventful, sentimental and exciting year. One of the most memorable years of my life so far. Who knows what 2018 will bring. But I do know I am going to keep playing the fame game for as long as I can and getting my voice heard. There is plenty to talk about, and I haven’t finished yet!

Happy New Year Everyone! :-)

The guide cane - Amy

When your sight has got worse, realising you need to use a cane is very daunting and upsetting. For years everybody was saying I should use a cane, but because I'm me and I'm stubborn I wasn't having any of it. I didn't need it, it wasn't going to make my sight any better. Everybody was making it out to be this magic wand that would magically make everything better. It wasn't, it was a stick! What could a stick do to help me?

The days turned to weeks, the weeks turned to months and the months turned to years and I was still clinging on to my Mum or Dad for dear life every time we went out. I felt silly but it was the only way I felt safe.

In the Christmas of 2015 I was out Christmas shopping with my Mum and Dad. I was completely drained and we were all stood in a card shop, trying to look at cards, wrapping paper and all the usual things. I could not move for all of the people. We'd had a long day of shopping and I had just had enough. I kept trying to move out of somebody's way and I would end up in somebody else's way. I just stood still in a complete strop because everybody was getting in my way as well. I thought to myself, if only I had a white stick on me now, maybe everybody would give me a bit more space. It wouldn't stop the chaos of Christmas, but it might help.

It was the first time I had actually wanted one, before then I used to cringe at the thought of it. In the following weeks I realised that now was my time, I needed to make that call to Carolyn, my Community Advice Officer at SRSB, for her to refer me for cane training. It was my goal for the new year. Some time in that year I had to make a start.

In June my training started and I met Karen, my Rehabilitation Officer, for the first time. Karen is lovely, friendly, chatty and made me feel completely relaxed. Until I met "the stick". I despised the stick, it was the symbol of how my life had got worse. It made me look different and it would attract attention. Attention that I didn't want, I just wanted to be left alone to blend into the crowd. There was no blending in with that thing. Every time I looked at it I gave it daggers.

I had heard stories of how the cane becomes your new best friend. There was no way that thing was going to do me any good, it would just make me look and feel ridiculous! I call it a stick instead of a cane because that's all it is, A STICK!!! The word cane gives it more respect in a way, it makes it sound like it has a purpose, like it can actually do something.

I knew this thing had to be done, so I just went along with it. My first time out with it was up to the local shops. It is only a two minute walk away, just at the top of my road. There weren't many people around that day, but it felt like everybody on my road was stood by their windows, watching me. I walked really slowly because for the first time in year I wasn't being pulled along by anybody. It was just Karen walking at the side of me, me and the stick.

When we got to the shops Karen helped me to find some potatoes as my Mum wanted them for tea. When we got back home, I was proud of myself, but still not happy, and I was glad to be home. The stick was stood up in the corner, looking at me. I needed to do something about this, I needed to do something to get myself used to having it around. Which also meant other people getting used to having it around.

So I put a photo of it on Facebook and I decided to give it a name. If it was going to be an unwanted member of the family it needed a name. I asked my friends and they had plenty of good ideas. I narrowed it down to three of their suggestions and I got them to vote for their favourite. This went on for about a week and friends were commenting telling me to hurry up with the results because they had been waiting all day. Everybody seemed hooked and glued to their screens, all to find out the name of A STICK! I have some strange friends. Love them for it though.

So after the votes had been counted and verified, the name of the stick was... SETH!

On my next session with Karen I introduced her to Seth and told her the story. I still couldn't stand him but at least everybody had been introduced to him. They could have voted for the names I actually liked though, Stella or Sylvie. But the people chose, and the people chose Seth. I had to find a way of making fun of the situation and as strange is it is, this was my way. And it did help, in a way.

My aim was to be able to get to my friend's house on my own. She lives two buses away and it was costing me around eight pounds each way in a taxi. The first step was to go into town on the bus with Karen and back again. The next week I went into town on the bus with Karen and then came home on my own. There was no rush or pressure, she just knew I could do it. It was a confidence thing rather than the fact that I couldn't do it.

The next week I went into town on my own, met Karen and then came back on my own. I was nervous but it was fairly easy. I knew where I was and where I was going. I had done that same journey the majority of my life. I just needed to get used to being around strangers and asking for and accepting help when I needed it.

The next step was OK to start with. I went into town on my own and got the bus to my friend's with Karen. We were busy talking and I wasn't really concentrating on where I was going, but it gave me a feel of the journey and the length of time I would be on the bus. It wasn't a complete waste.

Every time Karen encouraged me to ask the driver which bus number it was and ask them to tell me when I get to my stop. Even if I already knew, she encouraged me to ask to get me used to asking for help and to make sure I definitely was getting on the right bus.

The next few times we did the same thing again. I was finding the last step really hard, getting off at the right stop on South Road. For anybody who doesn't know, South Road is a very long, busy, scary main road. There are lots of little shops that all look the same. Buses sometimes go quite fast on there so it is very easy to miss something that you are looking out for.

One day I got a very helpful bus driver. He saw that I was trying to learn the route and he took the time to explain to me what the road was like and a few things to look out for just before my stop. He was so helpful and gave me the final push to do it alone.

The next week Karen was waiting for me at Walkley. I had to get there all by myself. I was a nervous wreck but over the weeks Karen had helped me learn to ignore that and just concentrate on what is happening now. I was so busy worrying about what might happen later on in the journey, which usually didn't happen. She helped me to concentrate on the moment and what I was doing at that time. Taking the journey one step at a time. I learnt to not even think about the next stage of the journey until it was happening. When I got the hang of it, it did make things a lot easier. Didn't stop me being nervous, I just learnt to control it.

Eventually I got to my friend's bus stop all by myself! I was so happy because I knew the journey back wouldn't be a problem. I was going to familiar places, the bus station and then home. I didn't even need to look for a bus into town because Karen did that and my friends always see me on the bus anyway. So at last the hardest bit was done!

Karen always told me to believe in myself more because she wasn't really doing anything, she was just with me. She was right really, it is just so scary making that first step and going out alone for the first time.

For a few weeks after that my friend invited me over to give me more practice of the route. She met me at the bus stop just as Karen did. Eventually I felt confident enough for her to not meet me at the bus stop.

Karen told me to get in touch when I wanted to learn another new route, but for now, my training was done.

Over a year has passed now since I finished my training and I am more confident. Still not confident enough to go to new places on my own, and some days I don't feel very confident at all, but in general I am a lot more confident and feel able to get around without clinging on to somebody all of the time. I often still like to link arms with somebody for guidance if I am in a new or busy place though.

One thing I have learnt is that you shouldn't feel pressured into mobility training. If you are not ready, I honestly don't think it will be as effective. Your time will come and when it feels right, you should go for it. Do it for yourself, not for other people.

I have heard stories of people who consider their cane as their best friend. Even now, I wouldn't go that far. Mine is more of a helpful acquaintance. I don't give it daggers any more, and it is kind of good having it around. But don't tell anyone, then they will know they were right.

Charles Bonnet Syndrome - Amy

I myself do not have Charles Bonnet Syndrome (CBS), but it is a condition that I find very interesting.

CBS can happen as a result of sight loss. This happens because your brain can't make clear images from your eyes, so it replaces them with visions that aren't really there. These visions vary from person to person. Some have visions of people in historic clothing, things moving around in front of them, patterns, wallpaper that they know is wrong.

CBS is not widely known about. It can often lead to worry and panic in the person and their loved ones. People suffering with this condition are often too worried to tell others about their visions, as it makes them question their mental health. To the people with CBS the visions are very real. To be told it isn't real or that they are just seeing things can be very frustrating.

The visions of CBS just come and go as they please, no rhyme or reason, and no two people have the same.

Mood and stress can make these visions more frequent, and more cluttered. They don't always see just one thing at one time. There are often two or three things at the same time. This is something they learn to live with, this is the world they live in.

The visions seem as real as anything a fully sighted person would see. It may be strange, but it's there. It doesn't matter whether others can see it or not, because they can and it's a part of their life. Even many doctors, opticians and opthalmologists are not very aware of this condition, therefore do not even consider it as a diagnosis.

At Sheffield Royal Society for the Blind we are working very hard to spread the word of Charles Bonnet and make people more aware that this condition exists. Since learning about CBS I have become very passionate about raising awareness for it. Together we can all help to spread the word.

Charles Bonnet Syndrome support

A note from SRSB

SRSB has a dedicated support group for people with Charles Bonnet Syndrome. If you have experienced visions as part of your sight loss and would like to talk to someone about it, you can contact SRSB on 0114 272 2757.

There is also a national campaign group called Esme's Umbrella whose aim is work towards a greater awareness of Charles Bonnet Syndrome. Their website contains lots of useful information.

The Magic of Mappin Street - Amy

When my sight first got worse, I couldn't see the point of anything. There was no point in anything, because I couldn't do anything. Nothing right anyway because losing your sight ruins everything. Everything you do takes twice as long, even then you can't always do it properly. Just physically taking one step in front of the other involved a lot of concentration and focus. It was physically and mentally draining, it still can be.

For years I put off coming in to SRSB (Sheffield Royal Society for the Blind) because I just wanted to deal with things on my own. I didn't want the label of being blind, I felt that coming here would give me that label. I was wrong.

SRSB is a friendly place for people of all ages and sight levels. I imagined everybody to be sat talking about how bad their sight is. I just wanted to forget, not talk about it. I was wrong about that as well. The conversation varies like it does everywhere. But if you do want to talk about your sight, everybody will understand quite well. Even the staff have Visual Impairment Awareness Training. This gives them more of an understanding of what it's like living with sight problems. No divisions, no labels, SRSB is just a big group of friends together.

Eventually I felt ready to start moving on and making something of myself again. I had mobility training and started using a guide cane, which I was VERY reluctant to do at first. But it had to be done, it was the only way forward. While I was doing it, it didn't really feel like training. I didn't feel like I was learning anything. I then realised I wasn't learning anything because I already knew it. I knew what to do, I just needed the confidence to do it. At first I didn't feel more confident. I was still a nervous wreck, but I learned to ignore it.

The more time has gone on, the better I have become at ignoring it. There are still days where I can't ignore it, I think there always will be, but not as many. I needed to concentrate on where I was going and what I was doing, instead of worrying about everything.

The opportunity then came along for me to start volunteering for SRSB, working on the Blindlife Blog. Before I started coming here I felt like the only one in the world who can't see properly. Obviously I knew I wasn't, but it felt that way. Now I know that I am definitely not alone and many other people are dealing with the same things as I have.

I have had so many compliments on my writing for this blog, it is unbelievable. I have never seen myself as a good writer, or able to write anything that people would enjoy reading, so it has really surprised me. I also promote the blog using social media, which I enjoy. I always did want a job playing on Facebook!

One of my blog posts was used in a Living With Sight Loss course at SRSB. I was told that the post actually helped a few clients deal with and understand how they are feeling. Ever since I was a child I have always wanted to do something to make a difference to people who really need it. The reaction to the blog post has made me feel like I have possibly done that.

It has been suggested that I do some counselling training so that I can help people oven more. This is definitely something I am thinking about for the future.

I have also been given the opportunity to do collections for SRSB and help with Visual Impairment Awareness training.

I have been on the radio once and I have been asked to do it again on another station. Everybody seems to want to hear what I have to say, I don't really understand why. I'm only me, just saying it how it is.

Before I started the blog I felt like I had no opportunities and I never would. Now, I have so many, way too many to choose from. So for now I'm just trying a bit of everything and enjoying the ride.

 That's the magic of Mappin Street!

A night to remember - Amy

In the days when I was finding things hard, I was isolating myself from everybody, especially my friends. We never fell out, I just pushed them away. I sometimes felt like they didn't understand enough. I realise now that they did their best with the information they had, I never told them how down I was feeling. We kept in touch, but only just.

When I went into hospital they all sent me a get well card. I really wasn't expecting it and it meant a lot that they all still cared. It had been two or three years since I last saw them. I knew then that I had to make things right with them.

As I started to get better I saw my friend Hannah more, I saw her a few times on her own which I really enjoyed.

Not long after I got an invite on Facebook to my friend Adam's birthday, like I had done every year. For years I had always thought about going out too much and talked myself out of it. This time was different, something was telling me I needed to go. I spent a few days thinking about what could go wrong as always, but my gut feeling was that I had to go, I wanted to go. I was quite surprised with myself.

The night came and I met Hannah early while it was still light, one by one all of my other friends came. Each one gave me a massive hug and said they had missed me and how it had been too long. I could tell they genuinely meant it. I felt a bit odd and out of place because I hadn't been out with them all since my sight had got worse. I wasn't very up to date on all their news so half of the time I didn't know what to say, but they included me the best they could. I couldn't believe that after all that time, and all that distance, they all still wanted me around. It's like they were there, just waiting for me until I was ready. I felt so overwhelmingly loved that night, I still do. It's a night I never want to forget.

Nearly two years has passed since that night. I have been to just about every night out, every celebration, every gig and every get together. Most importantly, I have told them EVERYTHING that I should have told them all those years ago. And now, we are closer than ever.

My lovely friends Hannah, John, Adam S, Adam A, Michael and Chrissy!

Memories - Amy

It can take a long time to get used to the changes in your sight. Not just for you, but for your family and friends. When your sight was once fairly good, it is hard to accept. In time you get used to it.

Your family and friends know how to help you and when you need help. You learn that it's always OK to ask for help and feel more confident about doing it.

Different people will move on at different paces, that's OK too. In time though, you will move on. Even though you have moved on, you still have the memories. In all of my dreams I can still see clearly. I sometimes have my white stick, I sometimes need help, but I can see clearly.

When I'm watching my favourite TV programmes and films I remember what the characters really look like, not what my eyes think they look like. This is hard if I am watching something new and I have to learn all of the characters for the first time.

In some ways the memories are good because they make certain things easier. In other ways the memories can be mean and make things disappointing.

A few days ago I decided to put on a DVD, remembering how the film looked when I was a child. When the film started, I looked at the screen and it looked nothing like it did in my head. It was an animated film, just bright colours moving around the screen. Occasionally I would notice a character's face. They weren't on the screen long enough for me to recognise them though.

I often wonder why I still watch these films, it just brings back the realisation of how bad my sight is, and how good it used to be. I could not concentrate on the rest of the film as it upset me too much. Instead I had a moan to a few of my good friends and tried to cheer myself up.

I sometimes wonder which is better, to be born with bad sight, or to have fairly good sight and lose it. It makes me wonder if you are born with bad sight, that you can't miss what you never had. But I would imagine that some will think "I would love to have just one day where I can see properly, just to experience it".

I do feel lucky for once having good sight. I also feel lucky that my sight isn't any worse than it is. I guess this is something there will never be one set answer to. It all depends on the individual person. And nobody will ever experience both sides of the story.

Since I have been volunteering at SRSB I have come to believe that sight doesn't have to be labelled. There doesn't have to be good sight and bad sight, everybody is just different. In the short time I have been here I have learnt that sight varies in many, many different ways and levels. Some people who have not experienced any sight problems seem to think that you are either blind or you can see. That is very far from the truth.

Memories can be hard, but they are what keep us all fighting for a better future.

Trust - Amy

Everybody likes to have people around them who they can trust. People who they can trust to be loyal, respectful, caring, understanding. and somebody to keep all of your secrets!

When your sight is bad, there is a whole new level of trust needed. As well as all the usual things you need from a good friend, you need them to be your eyes. You need to trust without any doubt that your friends and family will keep you safe. If you don't, this can make things difficult and put you off going out with them.

Whether you are very dependent or independent, if your friends can see properly, your safety is in their hands. Your life is in their hands. This doesn't make them your carer, it just means they will see things that you wont.

Making new friends is always fun. Going out with new friends for the first time can be very scary. With your usual friends you start to develop a routine. Your friends know when you need help and when you don't. They know which side of you is the best to walk and how fast to walk. They learn the obstacles you will probably notice, and the ones you probably wont. With a new friend this is all brand new.

You also need to trust that your new friend wouldn't just leave you to find your own way home. Even if you had a disagreement, you need to trust your friend will see you onto your bus or into a taxi.

If anybody is reading this who has good sight, and has a friend with bad sight, please think about this. If your friend is always making excuses and doesn't want to go out, this could be why.

If you think your friend may not trust you, it is probably nothing personal, or anything you have done wrong. It is just a new level of trust that you both need to learn. Even with the closest friends, this can take time.

Luckily I have the world's most amazing and trustworthy friends.

Trampolining - Amy

When I was at school I absolutely hated PE. It involved sports, shorts, mud and usually being accidentally hit by some kind of ball or bat.

The only two things I was any good at were volleyball and trampolining. I actually looked forward to PE when we were doing trampolining. I wasn’t the best in my group but I was definitely not the worst for a change. I enjoyed it so much I went to the trampolining club after school.

When I left school I left trampolining behind as well. I always wanted to do more, but life got in the way. Then when my sight got worse, I thought now it really will never happen. I really struggle with many much smaller things, staying on the right side of a trampoline seemed impossible.

Life has taught me a lot of lessons, about how life can be bigger and better, but it won't just happen. You need to make it happen.

A few weeks ago I started thinking about trampolining again. My first thought was, blind people on trampolines, that just sounds dangerous! But then I remembered that blind people can run, ski, climb mountains and do all kinds of adventurous things. Trying to stay on a trampoline sounded easy compared to all of those things.

I decided to send an email to Sheffield International Venues and see if there was any kind of extra support or help I could get with trampolining. Sheffield has world class sporting places, so if I can’t get the support I need here then it wouldn’t be very good. They emailed me back and offered me a free one to one lesson with a coach, to have a practice and see how it goes.

The days leading up to my lesson I was so nervous. I thought it will either go really well, or really badly. Somebody told me I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. All I could think about was all the different injuries I could gain if it went wrong!

The day came and I climbed onto the trampoline. Standing up was easier than I thought, it was staying stood up that was the hardest part. The trampoline is so bouncy and wobbly when you are not used to it, I remembered it would be

The trampoline was next to a wall, one end was next to another trampoline and joined together with crash mats. This felt better than at school, because there were only two sides to fall off, not four. The two coaches stood on the trampoline at the other two sides, so I couldn’t fall off. All around the trampolines there were mats on the floor, again, not like at school. I felt very safe.

I started jumping and I was wobbling and falling a lot. But that’s how trampolining goes at first. I was quite surprised that it didn’t hurt when I fell. I sometimes get muscle pains around my joints, so I was nervous about this as well. The more I practiced the better I got.

When I was more steady on the trampoline, the coaches got off and stood on the floor. They were stood by the trampoline though to keep me safe. I was talking to the coaches and one of them is the daughter of my PE teacher at school!

As I wasn’t in any pain from falling I decided to try out a few moves. I even managed to do a bit of a routine. The coaches seemed impressed, so did I!

When I came off the trampoline I felt alive, bursting with energy and so happy that I hadn’t broken anything. Until I put my shoe back on and realised I’d broken my toe nail!!! It hurt but I was relieved that’s all it was.

It’s taken me thirteen years to go trampolining again and now I plan to keep going back every week. Please don’t be scared about trying new things because of your sight. If you ask then you might get more support than you realise. Don’t think too much and talk yourself out of it like I always used to. Follow your dreams, don’t think, just do it!

The Weather - Amy

The weather, some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it wet, some like it dry, some like it dull, some like it bright. I like it just right.

On a dull, drizzly day, everything seems gray. I look into the distance and the gray pavements, gray roads and gray sky all merge into one. This makes it harder to focus on where I am going. Then it starts raining and that’s when things get complicated.

If I take a brolly then I’m likely to knock somebody with it by accident, plus I have my cane to hold. If I use my hood then it gets in the way of what I can see to the side of me. My peripheral vision isn’t good anyway, never mind with a hood in the way.

If it is windy I am holding my hood up instead of concentrating on where I am going and my glasses get spots of rain on them. Somebody rushes past me from behind. This always makes me jump and startles me as they seem to appear from nowhere. I usually have to stop and make sure everybody is well out of my way before I start walking again.

Finally I get to where I am going. I walk into the nice warm building and my glasses steam up! I think to myself, I can’t wait for a sunny day.

It’s a nice sunny day, clear blue skies, feeling good because it’s sunny at last. The colours are brighter, I can make out more objects in the distance. I can see where I’m going and where I’ve been. Still not great, but better.

Then I turn the corner and I’m walking towards the sun. it’s really bright and dazzling, I sometimes have to stop and get my bearings. I head towards a shaded area to have a break from the sun. Because the sun is so bright the shadows seem so dark. I can’t keep looking into the sun in front of me so I look down.

On the pavement there are shadows of trees, walls, cars and me. Even the shadows on the pavement are really dark compared to the bright pavement around them. Looking at these while I am walking makes me feel a little disorientated and dizzy. All I can see is moving shapes on the floor, not a safe, solid pavement for me to walk on.

When I eventually make it into the shade it seems really really dark. My eyes take a long time to adjust to the light, so even in the shade I can’t focus for a while. It can take five or ten minutes for me to adjust to the light.
For me the weather isn’t just something to talk about, or what to wear. It affects my mood and my independence. If the weather isn’t just right, I find it extremely hard when I am out. For me, the perfect weather is sunny, with clouds!

Buying a new phone - Amy

One day you hear about a new phone that you love the sound of. It has all these amazing apps and features and you can't wait to get one. You save up, and eventually you have enough money to buy it. You go into town one day and buy it. As soon as you get home you set it up and start playing with it. Easy right? Not so easy when you've got a sight problem.

Here's how it really goes...

You don't want a new phone because there's a cool, new one out. You want a new phone because you need one, so that everybody knows you are safe when you are out on your own. You hear about all these new gadgets and phones, but none of them really matter because you probably can't see them or read them properly anyway.

One day you decide you need a new phone and you go to the phone shop. You need a phone shop where you can actually play on the phones, not just look at a dead one hung on a wall.

When you're looking through the phones they all look the same these days, they are all just a screen. You find a screen you like the look of and you start to play around on it. The first place you go to is the settings icon, and then accessibility. That's if you can read the phone to get that far. My Mum had to do that bit for me and change the colours so that I could read it.

I looked through all the accessibility options, the font type, the font size, the colours and themes you could change the phone to, to make sure I can actually read it. People with worse sight than me would find out what speaking options there are, if your phone will read the text to you, and if you can give verbal instructions to your phone.

You're not going to waste your money on a phone if you don't know you can actually use it. These are the things it doesn't tell you on the phone description or specifications. These are the things partially sighted and blind people need to know. Then you might move onto all the fancy things. The things that some sighted people take for granted.

You also need to be able to get to the phone shop in the first place. This brings on a whole new challenge...

Help with smartphones and tablets

A note from SRSB

If you are reading this and understand some of the comments that Amy has made, please note that we have been holding regular O2 Guru Days and there is another coming up on 28 March 2017 at SRSB.

We also hold ongoing Online Today courses with the next one happening on 27 February 2017 at SRSB.

Both of these courses are designed to help you with exactly these sort of issues. If you are interested in either, please contact us on 0114 272 2757 to book your place.

The blog is back!

It's amazing how time flies, and we didn't realise quite how long it has been since our last blog post!

We're delighted therefore that we have a new volunteer on board to get the blog back on track. Our client Amy will be writing her own blog posts and talking to other clients about their experiences of living with visual impairment. These are then passed to Anne, another volunteer, who uploads the posts for us.

You can read Amy's first post here.