Lockdown Poem - Carol

In This Time by Carol Adams

In this time it would be easy to get low

but do not despair so

for we have social media and the news

and you've got lots of time to snooze

If you venture out

without your spouse

it would be very hard

you must be on your guard   

you decide on your fate 

if you go out of that gate

can you see enough to know?

It's easier to just bake dough

to get work done in the house

to give your spouse

jobs inside

and afterwards show them both off with pride

at least it is warmer outside than it is inside

you can get that tan

and make time to do that bulk cook in that pan

feel lucky for what you have

it could be taken away 

don't be daft

come on ninny

just be silly.

Lockdown For Me - Carol

I wake up at some point during the day depending on how I've slept.            

I'd hope that the sun is out so that I can enjoy time in the garden getting a sun tan which I should have got on my holiday to Tenerife. That of course was cancelled.

I love hearing the sounds of the birds singing, the children playing and the occasional neighbour talking.

I also like to hear my husband doing the garden or doodling and tinkering with various tools as he makes items... usually to make my life easier in some way or another.

I sit covered in sun tan cream with a hat and glasses on, a lager in my hand... or sometimes something a little stronger, listening to a book or watching something.

This is all in between going in to sort washing or tidy the kitchen for our next meal.

At evening time we would have dinner while watching something on Netflix or Disney plus.        

On Fridays it is so strange not to be picked up by our lovely driver Dennis on the minibus to go to Mappin Street for the Writing Group.     

So I'd catch up with people on social media, or the phone, and I would take part in my choir session on line. I'd keep up to date with the news and by going on face book etc. 

Friends and family would bring shopping to our front door and the same with Amazon and the chemist.

The best thing about this all is that I get more time to spend with my husband and my gadgets without feeling guilty for missing anything and thinking about where I should be. I can exercise on my treadmill and get fresh air in the garden.

Week 4 in Lockdown - Amy

We are now in week four of lock down in the UK. Things have changed quite a lot since week one. Supermarkets are being more supportive to elderly and vulnerable people and also people who work for the NHS. I don’t think there is quite as much panic buying going on, but supermarkets are playing their part with that by limiting the amount of certain things we can buy. I haven’t been to the supermarket in weeks. My Mum and Dad are doing all of my shopping for me. Every so often I will go for a walk up to the local shops and obviously try and keep my distance from other people. 

The mood of the country seems to have changed a lot over the last few weeks. Everybody seems to be more accepting of it and trying to make the most of it. People are thinking of creative ways to keep everybody’s spirits up. There have been online church services, people singing outside care homes and children drawing pictures to decorate the new hospitals that have been built. Some people who work for the NHS have also been getting some lovely treats recently from various companies. We have also had Clap for our Carers on Thursday evenings. There has been some really heart warming things going on. It’s really nice to see some community spirit and people supporting the NHS in these tragic times. 

There is still no sign of an end to this lock down, which is really bringing me down mentally. But everybody is doing their best to try and cheer me up and remind me how lucky I am. Luckily I have some very patient and understanding family and friends.  

Week One in Lockdown - Amy

As of Friday closing times last week, everything involving any kind of fun has closed. Restaurants, cafes, coffee shops, cinemas, everywhere I live my life really.  

This is the first week of lockdown in the UK, to slow down the spread of Coronavirus. It all just feels so wrong. I feel trapped and like I desperately need to escape.  

In January this year I finished six months of therapy for post traumatic stress disorder, which was partly caused by my sight loss. I have finally got into a good place mentally and now this happens. I need to go out and socialise regularly to keep my mind healthy and happy. I don’t usually have the most hectic schedule, but I do try to go out and do something most days. Staying in the house for more than a few days makes me feel quite down. It is not anything to do where I live, or who I live with, I would be the same anywhere. I just need to be out there and living my life. Luckily I don’t live alone, but I still need to be out, moving around and seeing different people. The thought of doing this for weeks or even months really does scare me. I know things could be a lot worse for me, at least everybody that I know is well. I do understand why this is happening, but staying in for long periods of time really doesn’t do me any good.  That worries me just as much as going out does. There is nowhere to go, nothing to look forward to. I can try and look forward to when this is all over but it seems quite cruel because nobody knows when this is going to end. That is what I really need to know, even if I don’t like the answer, I need a date to work towards and focus on. This might be lowering the risk of catching Coronavirus, but my worry is that it is going to cause major problems in other ways for people, physically and mentally. 

Valentine's Day 2020 - Amy

A few years ago I wrote a post about Valentine’s day and how miserable and depressing it can be for those who are single.  Every year Valentine’s Day just felt the same, a big disappointment. The older I got, the less I believed that I would find the man of my dreams. There is so much to deal with when it comes to me, I need help in a lot of ways that most people don’t. This feels quite embarrassing and awkward when it comes to dating. It will put some guys off and the ones who seem fine just don’t seem to understand. I like to think that there is more to me than my health problems and sight loss, but it takes very special people to see that too. 

I had been on and off a dating app for a while and last year I was on a bit of a break from it again. I was trying to avoid any unnecessary stress so I decided that I should leave it alone for a while. One night I was feeling a bit more relaxed so I decided to go on and see if there was anybody new on there. And there was. I saw from his profile that we had quite a few things in common. He said on his profile that he probably sounded boring, but the things that he thought sounded boring were the things that made him perfect for me. I really hoped that I would get to talk to him, and I did. We have talked every day since. He is one of those special people that can see beyond all the issues and he doesn’t let those issues put him off at all. He wants to be there for me and help however he can and I do with him. He understands a lot of things that most guys wouldn’t have the first clue about. 

In the past there’s always been that awkward moment when I have to mention my sight problems, with him it wasn’t awkward at all. He told me a few things and I told him a few things. We got it all out of the way from the very beginning and it was never awkward at all. We both have rubbish that we wish we didn’t have to deal with, but we deal with it together. 

So this year I am actually looking forward to Valentine’s Day. It will be my first one where I won’t be feeling all left out and lonely. And to make it even more special, it will be six months since I first met one of the most lovely guys in the world. 

National Hug Day - Amy

Today is National Hug Day so I thought I would write about that. Some people don’t like hugs or any physical contact with somebody else because of various reasons. Some people find it really uncomfortable. One of my friends is on the autistic spectrum and she doesn’t like any form of physical contact with people who she doesn’t know well and trust.  She only feels comfortable hugging a small number of people. Some people have had bad or even traumatic experiences of physical contact, so they are not able to trust others or cope with the feeling of being touched. Some people also have chronic pain conditions which makes things like hugging very painful. 

Other people are completely at the other end of the scale. Some people are very tactile, they thrive on physical contact with others and feel comfortable walking up to a complete stranger and hugging them at New Year. 

For me, I wouldn’t walk up to a complete stranger and hug them, but if they seem trustworthy I feel fine if they come and give me a quick hug and some kind of celebration, or if somebody saw me upset.  Hugging people is an important part of my life. I always hug my close friends as we are saying goodbye. There are quite a few of us in the group, so this takes a while! But I always feel really guilty if one person accidentally gets missed. Which does happen occasionally. I find hugging is a symbol of caring. Even the strangers at New Year, in that moment, everybody cares that we are all happy and having fun. Friends and family hug because they care. If somebody hugs me because I’m down or upset, it’s because they care. And I hug people when I care. 

I would absolutely hate a world where there was no hugging. 

Then there’s cuddles. Is a hug the same as a cuddle? Or is it different? To me a hug is fairly quick, and a cuddle is when you are sat next to each other and lasts quite a while. To me a proper cuddle is tight, strong and it makes you feel safe and protected. Every so often I really need a proper cuddle. Even if there is nothing wrong with me, every so often I just need that big tight cuddle and the feeling of being protected. I have recently found somebody who is perfect for that job and I absolutely love it. As well as me being the one feeling protected I do like to be the one who makes somebody else feel that way. 

For me cuddles and hugs are one of the best things in the world. 

Different Attitudes. Home and Away - Amy

I have recently been on holiday to Spain and I found it quite interesting how attitudes vary towards sight loss. 

I read before we travelled that the airport do a pink lanyard, which shows staff that you, or somebody in your group, may need extra help. I considered this, but I thought I would use my guide cane so they can see that just like they can see a pink lanyard. It said online to look out for any pink areas, as these are help zones for any passengers that have any questions or are struggling to find their way around. So it all sounded really positive.   

When we got to the airport however it was a completely different story. When we were in the check in area it was like me and my white cane were invisible. Other passengers were constantly knocking into me and we just checked in as normal. It wasn’t until we got to security that a man actually noticed me and checked we were all ok. He said that we should have all asked for a pink lanyard so that they would know that we needed extra support. I never really thought about it this way before, but if I had got a lanyard then they would have known that I was there and that there is somebody coming through that will need help. So they would actually look. Now that I have seen it that way, next time I will definitely get one. But I still think my cane was pretty obvious. When we went through the body scanner, I really wasn’t sure which way I was going. With all the machinery and people around it was hard to see which way to go. I tried to follow my Dad who went through first, but it was still hard. My cane had to go through the hand luggage scanner which I do understand, but it meant that I couldn’t use it to guide me. I always have a person or my cane guiding me, so I felt quite strange and anxious. I was the only one of us that didn’t beep. So my Mum and Dad were taken to one side to be searched. The man on the scanner made a point of telling the body searching staff that I was with them but I hadn’t beeped. I tried to move nearer to my Mum and Dad to get out of the way and they wouldn’t let me anywhere near them. I was just stood, not really sure which way I was going or not going until they had finished. I was just kind of stood in the way. 

After we had finished in security we had the fun job of finding the gate. We looked around for the pink zones that were mentioned. Eventually we found a pink machine that was out of order. Not very useful at all. That was the nearest thing we saw to a pink zone. 

Getting onto the plane was amazing! We had to go up the stairs and not an air bridge which I really don’t mind. It’s not the same getting an air bridge. I love going outside and seeing a massive plane. I was so excited. I walked up the stairs at my own pace, trying to concentrate on where I was walking and staring at the plane both at the same time was quite difficult. But I didn’t feel rushed by anybody which was nice. A lady from the cabin crew was stood by the plane door trying her best to help me onto the plane and I accidently headbutted her! Oops! I apologised and she was fine… I hope. But there was an announcement before we took off about their friendly behaviour policy. My Dad was joking saying that they only played that announcement because of me. 

When we landed in Alicante, the staff saw me with my cane and let us straight through, while everybody else had to queue around barriers. Straight away we all thought, that is so different to the airport at home. This was one of the few moments where my sight loss came in useful. I smiled as we walked past them all feeling very pleased with myself. 

However, while we were actually on holiday, I found a lot of things not very accessible. Hardly anywhere had accessible toilets and the few places that had ramps where very narrow wobbly ones that were just placed over steps. Again, completely different to at home, but in the other way. People just didn’t seem to understand or recognise what my cane was for. I am not sure whether they are actually used in Spain or not, but even other tourists just ignored it. I wasn’t really after any special treatment, just a bit of space to get around. I did have one positive experience though in a wildlife park.  We went to see a dolphin show and they let us sit on the front row. It was still hard to see and we got quite wet, but it was very nice for them to let me do this. 

We also went on a coach trip to Valencia. The travel rep was very nice and had saved some seats for us near the front of the coach. However when we got to Valencia she was supposed to be taking us to the meeting point for coming back and everybody left us. We couldn’t catch up and lost them very quickly. 

We all really enjoyed our holiday, but the support for visually impaired people was very unpredictable.